i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
