Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
