how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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