He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
