can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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