If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
