Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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