What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.