in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My balls are so social today.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
