I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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