I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
