The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize