You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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