i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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