He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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