Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
