I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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