dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize