mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
