Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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