I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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