dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
