there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
