you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
