What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
