Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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