I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
not ubering you a puppy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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