i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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