If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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