I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
