Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I faked an abortion last night.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
