Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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