bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize