I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
