Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
