Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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