if i can run in heels then i can drive
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize