remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
