I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
