Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
