I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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