Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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