sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
