dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
