I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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