She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
