so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
