I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
