thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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