You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
