hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
