you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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