i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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