3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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