you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
