The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize