i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i will never coherently bang her
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
