That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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