His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
