Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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