You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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