yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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