He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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