Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
